Today, I came to the realization that I was exhausted. I have been working a lot recently, taking on a lot of tasks, helping people around me, having 3 days in one. In the middle of this, I deal with a move to another place, In parallel, I deal with perimenopause too. Oh! and there is Covid… and I need to do my taxes too.
I am burnt out. I am exhausted and overwhelmed.
I am a giver, I give constantly to other people, my energy and my money. I give to others because I feel they deserve more than me, they come first. But who is taking care of me? I struggle to say no and set up boundaries. I struggle to receive because I feel I owe. I work a lot, give a lot and then I burn out and need to retrieve. It’s a cycle. Why am I dealing constantly with this repetitive pattern? At least, now I am a little bit more aware than a few years ago. I see myself doing it. It is so ingrained in my subconscious. I give probably because I have been taught that I needed to give in a limitless way in order to be loved. This thing runs in my Spanish family where women need to do everything with this dramatic sense of sacrifice. Life has really an interesting way to point us in the right direction. Yesterday, I did a podcast about Balance and Unbalance with the wild and wise Cindy Haxel, a licensed acupuncturist and Chinese Medicine Practitioner. I was so not in the best mental space to do this interview-). I was so out of Balance.
I realized how much I was tired because of my language defaults when interviewing Cindy. When I start spiraling in my thoughts, repeating myself and saying » You know » and « Like » in each sentence, it means that I have reached my burnout tipping point. My streaming on internet was shit when I did this interview. I had to remove me from the screen because I was constantly freezing. I feel so frustrated by the interview because it is not as perfect as I wanted it to be. I guess I have to let that go too. I am learning. I would like to make progress in my listening and speaking skills. Cindy was brilliant, so calm and articulated (kinda of the opposite of me). Her interview and her energy helped me to become more aware and take action to re-establish self-care and balance in my circle. I hope you will find some interest in this interview despite my technical difficulties. Thank you so much Cindy for shining your light upon me and upon us. Cindy’s last words in the interview were:
« Be Gentle with your Self. Don’t Fight reality. Balance is a Journey. »Cindy Haxel – Licensed acupuncturist and Chinese medicine practitioner – Golden, CO.
Namaste, you take care!
Tucson, March 2021.